I look at the clock. We’re an hour out from when we should leave the house and it’s go time.
Breakfast for everyone, diaper change, brush teeth, another diaper change for the baby, brush my own teeth, realize there’s not enough time to shower and my husband already left for work so no one to hold the baby, decide to wear a hat and put on some deodorant, a second outfit change for my daughter who doesn’t like her outfit anymore, grab the water bottles and the lunches and the bag and the diaper bag…..where are my keys?
Let the dog outside, hurry her back inside and into her kennel, go to put the kids in the car…another diaper change. A blowout this time.
My baby boy hates diaper changes so he and his strong will roll fast enough to ensure we’re now both covered in what this diaper was meant to contain…and another outfit change ensues for both of us.

And now we’re late and we haven’t even left yet.

I’m sweating and I lose my patience, the patience that’s been threatening to give way since I woke up to the 1000 things on the daily task list for myself.

And as soon as the last outfit change has happened and we get in the car…I’m already drowning in the guilt that I wasn’t patient enough and that I rushed my sweet babies and that I blamed them for what was clearly my own fault for not foreseeing and leaving enough time.

I apologize to both my sweet babes. We turn on the music we all like. We laugh. It’s ok. We breathe.

When it’s time to leave our destination to head back home, we’re in a rush again. Trying to beat a storm home because I forgot to close the pricey umbrella on our deck in the chaos of the morning. I see the storm clouds getting closer and feel the wind picking up, but this time I check myself.

What is more important, that umbrella or that my children have their needs met in this moment? I breathe. I slow down. I readjust car seat straps so they feel more comfortable. Accept that there’s another needed diaper change. Look into my daughter’s eyes and answer her questions about storms. Turn on the air conditioning and our favorite music, and drive home.

We didn’t beat the storm home, but the umbrella was unscathed. And I gained the joy of my daughter who was delighted in the fun of driving in the rain and the peaceful snores of my baby boy who felt calm and comfortable.

Being late is a motherhood trigger for me. I always feel like I’m letting everyone down or that I’m irresponsible when I roll in consistently 10-15 minutes behind.

But you know what? I never feel that irritation towards other mothers who are late. I for some reason only hold myself to that expectation.

This is the season we’re in right now. It’s not forever. I don’t like that I’ve wasted beautiful moments with my children, even if they appear mundane, to anxiety and stress. Who am I so concerned about letting down? When I ask myself the question “who or what is most important in this moment”…I find that answer will almost always be my kids.

It’s not an excuse to always roll in late, but it is the breath of grace we can give ourselves in these days of motherhood when life seems to never go as planned.

Even when it is important for us to be on time, like to doctor’s appointments, it is a game changer to be able to stay in the present moment for my kids and for myself.

How do we do that though?

We simplify.
1. Be realistic in our to do lists and also the things we put on our schedule.

2. Prepare ahead of time if we can.

3. Expect Delays

4. Find our anchor in the chaos. What will help refocus us in that stressful moment? Is it music? Is it laughter? Is it calming breaths? Is it a quick prayer?

I find that in order to be the Mama that I want to be for my babies, I need to extend myself grace. When I’m able to recognize that in the moment, my children pick up on it.

The more grace and patience we are able to show ourselves in those difficult moments, the more grace our children will have for themselves in similar situations.